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Two days before I was supposed to go back to work I lost all my breast milk stash, 200 ozs. We went on a trip while getting work done on our house and our contractor plugged out the freezer. I remember the moment I found out vividly; I went to the shower and cried.

I always hoped I would breastfeed. I trained as an economist so before the baby came I read all the research. Most of the studies don’t track the babies after six months but, in general, the overwhelming consensus is you should breastfeed for up to a year.

Once the baby came, the first few months were smooth sailing. It was a really nice bonding experience. I was amazed at how human bodies work. The whole thing felt like magic. I had an excess so I collected it, froze it, and donated it to a mom with a premie who didn’t have enough milk.

One month in, I had close to 100ozs and gave that away. Then I started collecting for myself for when I went back to work.

After the freezer incident, I panic power-pumped to get him through his first two days at daycare and give me enough time to research formula.

Of course, as soon as I returned to work my supply dipped dramatically. My friend told me about a supplement to boost supply but I felt like a cow on meds taking it and didn’t like what I was doing to my body. It was very stressful and probably within a month, I gave him formula. He is a healthy, happy baby.

I think expectations are really dangerous with children.