My son was born via an emergency C-section that literally happened in 15 minutes.
I lost a lot of blood but came out of the general anesthesia and the first thing on my mind was I need to breastfeed my son.
The doctors were not optimistic and tried to set the expectation that it was going to be a long road -- my body needed to refocus from just surviving to breastfeeding. At the time I thought breast is best, I really want to make it work.
Looking back, I cannot believe we did what we did. We were doing this thing called SNS. We did that for maybe two months, every single feeding, and it was insane. On top of that, I was power pumping.
Finally, I met an amazing lactation consultant who’s a trained psychologist, and she approached breastfeeding from this emotional state. She made it not an all or nothing thing - whatever you can provide is good, it doesn’t need to be everything. When I started I was thinking one oz a day, and I got to a point where I was actually able to get to 70% breast milk.
I extended my maternity leave and set a mental goal for myself that if I could breastfeed him for six months I would be happy. Just as I expected, within two weeks of returning to work my supply dried up.
Having to go from breast is best to fed is best, that journey is such a hard mental journey because, in the beginning, it’s like there is immediate judgment in that choice.